


What If

by The Blue Escapist (TheBlueEscapist)



Category: Tokyo Babylon
Genre: Demisexual Sumeragi Subaru, Demisexuality, M/M, Pining, Touch-Starved, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlueEscapist/pseuds/The%20Blue%20Escapist
Summary: Seishirou's touch is different from other people's. Subaru struggles to understand why.
Relationships: Sakurazuka Seishirou/Sumeragi Subaru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	What If

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shin_ka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shin_ka/gifts).



> WARNING: Subaru is demisexual in this story. 
> 
> Do note, however, that Tokyo Babylon is set in 1991, a time when there was no internet, and there was close to nothing available on asexuality in public libraries: Subaru has no way of knowing that demisexuality even exists. As such, the fact that he blames his sexuality on his upbringing has no factual basis, he simply cannot know any better. 
> 
> To spell it more clearly and very loudly: asexuality/demisexuality is a valid and existing sexuality, and is in no way induced by touch-starvation, or growing up sheltered.

It’s a lovely afternoon in Tokyo, and Seishirou pulls Subaru’s back against his own chest.

Seishirou’s moist breath tickles the shell of Subaru’s ear, and Subaru flails around like a fish out of water, and is mercilessly teased by both Hokuto and Seishirou for it. They drop the subject soon enough, moving on to other topics, Subaru’s antics already forgiven and forgotten.

Subaru is the one who cannot forget, and who cannot forgive himself for his own reactions. 

That night, a rare free night when he could actually get the sleep he so desperately needs, Subaru lays awake in his bed, his forearm across his face, flushed anew. He relives the moment over and over, and is acutely aware of how sensitive he still is, Seishirou’s embrace a phantom brand.

Hokuto had long ago nailed the root of the problem, even though her understanding of the problem itself had been slightly off. 

Subaru was twelve the first time he had to do an exorcism related to sex; he’s certainly not as sheltered as Hokuto believes him to be. He is perfectly aware of the technicalities of what other people do with their bodies. 

As the head of the Sumeragi clan, though, he did have a very strict upbringing, focused entirely on his growth as an onmyouji; even his regular, government-mandated studies have always been an afterthought. Until Seishirou, Subaru believed that not understanding why other people would even want to share their bodies with each other was simply a by-product of his particular education.

It’s not something that Subaru has ever spent any time lamenting. Since he’s been allowed to have his own place, he’s come to be completely at peace with his duties. If people keep their distance from him because of them, well. It’s not something that can be helped, and it’s much better for everyone involved; he has so little time to spare, and his life is just too different from everybody else’s.

This is the real reason why Seishirou never fails to throw him off balance. Seishirou is an onmyouji as well, and as such can actually understand what Subaru’s job entails; yet it’s obvious he didn’t grow up in an environment such as his. Seishirou is so liberal with his touch, never missing any opportunity to intentionally bump against Subaru or outright touching or holding him.

The embarassment Subaru feels each time has nothing to do with prudery, and everything to do with other people touching him so rarely. Hokuto makes a point of hugging him and hanging off of him all the time, and when he was a child his grandmother occasionally rewarded him with a pat on the head, but that is pretty much it.

The fact that Subaru often loses his senses after abusing of his own powers does not help at all, not when it’s Seishirou who shows up to his support. Subaru has lost count of the times he’s come to in the comforting cradle of Seishirou’s arms, and he also has a recurring dream of being unconscious, and of one of Seishirou’s fingers slipping slowly underneath Subaru’s gloves and brushing against his bare palm. 

He has a gut feeling it’s not a simple dream, and that it actually occurred, but short of outright asking Seishirou he has no way of knowing. What exactly could he say to Seishirou, anyhow? That every single time he’s had that dream, he’s woken up hard and panting, and that he needs to know if it actually happened, because he wants Seishirou to do it again? 

After the first time Seishirou’s hands on him aroused him, Subaru took the time to read everything he could on puberty; it must have hit him belatedly, there are no other likely explanations. Now he understands the mechanism, but it’s just so difficult for him to relate to it. He’s so accustomed to being apart from other people, that the mere idea of somebody touching him that way on purpose makes his stomach drop with dread, and maybe even a little distaste. 

Yet thinking about Seishirou that way twists his insides in a completely different, unfamiliar way. It’s never unpleasant.

It frightens him, the intensity of his reaction to Seishirou’s mere proximity. Subaru fears that he’s fixated on Seishirou because Seishirou is the only person who’s ever cared enough to spend time with him despite Subaru’s impossible hours, and it wouldn’t be fair to Seishirou, would it? To accept his touch just because Subaru has never experienced this kind of closeness before, and is thus so overwhelmed by it.

Still, Subaru had a taste of Seishirou’s chest against his back, and now he cannot help wondering what it would have felt like had they both been shirtless. 

He’s not going to do anything about it, but…

…what if he did ? What if he did.


End file.
